five-alarm.... spaghetti?

i almost burnt the house down this afternoon.

all i was trying to do was make some supper. i chopped up some onions and a christmas-colored array of peppers, and was preparing to sauté them for inclusion in a spaghetti sauce, when all hell broke loose...

please correct me if i made any egregious errors, committed some safety faux pas, or violated a cooking taboo in the following steps:

1. place pan on stovetop
2. cover bottom of pan in oil
3. turn burner on
4. let pan heat up for two minutes prior to adding onions and peppers

did i do something wrong? i don't think so. but when i came back into the kitchen after only a couple minutes away (i was on a bathroom break, ok? i'm sure even emeril takes one every now and then), there was smoke billowing out of the pot

big, black clouds of smoke


(even i know that's not good)

so i went over to the stove, started to reach over the pot to turn off the burner, when all of a sudden GIANT FLAMES leaped up at me. yikes. so i did what any rational person would have done in that situation...


i jumped about five feet in the air and screamed like a girl


then i grabbed some potholders, latched onto the flaming pot of death, and was getting ready to make a dash for the door, when one of the potholders caught on fire and immediately started to singe my thumb. so i went to plan C (plan B is always "hide," but i decided that it didn't really fit in this particular scenario), and threw the pot into the sink and turned the water on full blast

i knew in the back of my head that water isn't supposed to be used to put out a grease fire, but i wasn't thinking with my head. i was thinking with my thumb; a thumb which was being severely singed. so on went the water, which of course caused burning lava hot fiery oil to spatter everywhere, but mostly on the already afflicted thumb. not only that, but even bigger clouds of billowing black smoke started to fill the room, and all the fire alarms in the apartment simultaneously started to sound

at this point i started to get a little nervous... because, after all, if water won't put a fire out, what on earth will? fortunately the flames died down within a few more seconds, then went out altogether, and i was left with

• one crispy potholder
• second-degree burns on my thumb
• three shrieking fire alarms
  
• four rooms completely filled with acrid smoke

eventually the smoke went away (not on its own; it required much vigorous coercing to leave the premises), the alarms stopped their assault on my inner ear, and i resumed my attempt to cook supper. the slight delay only served to deepen my hunger, and thus i enjoyed my meal all the more so, knowing that i braved fire, smoke, and boiling lava hot burning oil to make myself a meal


there's probably a lesson in there somewhere... i like to ask myself after a difficult scenario "what can i learn from this?" in this case, i'm not sure what the lesson should be; i honestly don't think i did anything wrong. i guess i can chalk it up to a freak occurrence of nature; either that or gremlins, but definitely one of the two

maybe the lesson is to prepare myself for the unexpected; as much as i like to think that i'm ready for anything life should throw at me, i think i'm starting to realize that's not necessarily the case. i should hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. the easier times in life should be enjoyed, but also utilized as a means of preparing for darker days ahead, both physically and spiritually. we would label a man who didn't save any money aside for later in life when he may not be able to work as "foolish," but what do we call the christian who isn't taking advantage of the time given them to prepare for battles that may lay right over the horizon?

hmm


maybe that's a bit of a stretch, but there it is. that's what i learned today... that, and beware of pots containing hot oil




(gosh, anybody in the middle ages could have told me that)