memo to all dogs in the greater portland area:
i come in peace.
if you don't try to eat me, i will give you dog biscuits
if you try to eat me, i will punch you in the face and then spray mace in your eyeballs
i am not a burglar. i am not a kidnapper. i am not an evil vacuum cleaner salesman. i am not a walking steak. i am a meter reader, who only needs about fifteen seconds in your yard. then i will go, and leave you alone
please don't sneak up behind me and then bark really loud. it makes me jump very high and very far
we can be friends. but friends don't bite each other.
down boy. good boy.
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